Sunday, October 31, 2010

sundays

How wonderful is it too be able to spend all day relaxing while sipping tea and basking in the sun :)

Only sundays can give you that calm feeling all over, knowing that you can do anything and not have to worry about commitments etc etc..

The only sad thing is knowing that in a few short hours sunday will finish and life will begin again until you are finally briefly welcomed with this short freedom that next weekend will bring..

Xox
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Monday, October 18, 2010

Vulnerability

The things that we are most scared of are the reason we keep living. So much vulnerability in such small minds, no one can escape it as everyone feels it, most won’t admit it, and some admit it too much. Its there always there, in the back of the mind, pestering telling you all these sugar coated lies,, they never rest, never stopping, always there, always talking. But who are we too choose to ignore it?? Will we not listen or listen too much? All these worries scare us consuming you whole… Will you ignore it? Cap it, bottle tightly til you can’t feel it swirling around anymore.
Bravery is vulnerability kept hidden, who can be a hero if one is scared of everything this world has to offer? Too many woes, too many theories, all swirling around with a negative feeling.
Without this the world would have no drive, no need to look up to anything no need for strive, no need for goals or personal development, the world wouldn’t be real if we didn’t have vulnerability. Vulnerability makes us strong and brave and helps us move on. It helps us do better in this great big world…
Will you choose to ignore it? Or listen to it?

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Traveling...

The planning, leading up, packing, circling the date on your calender, setting your alarm for a time only business people or miners would wake up at.. the day comes quickly, and before you know it your off on this uncertain journey that can make or break your life. Your trip will show you things you've been too blinded to see, while realizing what you took for granted in your normal everyday life. Some people count down the days before their trip is over because its just not what they wanted. but then others wish it would never end, like they could run away from everything in their lives back home. Sadly, either way that day comes usually filled with sadness and hurrying. they checkout, count heads and hit the road toward commitment, waving goodbye freedom...
but we suck it up, take a deep breath, and board the plane. descend and soon enough land. this is when the stress comes into play, we leave the Tarmac, walking in lines like at the grocery store,,, usually greeted with strangers and loneliness, theres no warm arms waiting for us from friends or family. we start the pressure and worry looking at the signs, while racing toward the round about luggage pickup area and impatiently waiting til we see the label to identify its your luggage from the other boring same colored suitcases like yours coming down the line. without even realizing it were running , dodging people and knocking them out of the way to get the bags before there carried off, leaving you waiting for them to come back around...
this is when we usually stop smiling and put our serious faces on. we run to the car or other means of getting home,.
Soon enough you reach your neighbourhood and somehow you realize so many things look different, you appear to see the bigger picture and everything looks new and slightly creepy almost like a movie. you reach Home, and realize even that too looks different , un lived in and more run down then you thought. you take time to see the shape and the state of it, the grass, plants , trees and even sometimes the gate.. we look at everything we usually forget to any other usual day..
the holiday you just had soon becomes a distant memory almost like a dream. But that soon becomes okay when you get inside and feel that presence you've been dying to feel all the time you werent here.. you become aware of how much you missed since you came back..
Even though homesickness greets you very quickly into your Trips, you still cant wait til you get to go on another one, usually counting down the days or months til its upon you again.. often wishing the days would go faster cause you've become stuck in the same routine day after day, the one you promised yourself you wouldn't get into again.. but you knew that was a lie anyways...
Yep, Holidays can be Great. they leave you refreshed, showing you everything you should be grateful for, and also shows you things that ll stay with you for all your days.
That is truly lovely
xox

Monday, August 30, 2010

Word Vomit

its become stronger now,
what started off as a whisper in the farr side of my brain has become a loud cry.
ive started to mouth the words and silently spill it out, as if im technically not lying cause no one hopefully can hear me say it.
sadly, i know this is a lie and what im doing isnt right.
but i cant help it, I long to be able to just scream it out to EVeryone! Just SHOUT and not care whos listening, i dream of it, always thinking about it.. But now i actually Spoke it.. theres always a moment where its needed,, where it can cover a million different areas.. Its such a powerful thing! its such a Thrill its just what i need to get my point across.. i want to do it more as if its my new shiny toy. the more i think about it the more appealing it is...
its now spilling out of my mouth on so many occasions as if its neverending Word Vomit.. i dont know how much longer i can stay without this for.. i dont know how to not let it take over like a Flame to paper its spreading more and more with each minute..
but i must come up with a way..
before these meaningless words take over and win...
xox

Goodbye my Dear,

its been three weeks and i havent heard from you, i pace around all day long waiting for a reply from you. your in my mind all the time, everything reminds me of you.. so Many happy memories have made me depressed, all our talks have made me feel so much regret. So many questions run through my mind was it me or you? i try not to care but its no good, my feelings had been struck i let my guard down and got attached something i promised myself i wouldnt do. Now im stuck with the Mess of picking myself up and starting again.. why couldnt you just Say goodbye?why did you have to make me think and believe your Lie?? i guess im just not the Right type, or the right anything,, i should of just walked away instead of thinking there was something... that you never saw.. Did you feel it?? did you like it? are you thinking about it now?? so many questions, sadly i dont think is true..

but for now, to save me all these painful moments of wishing, wondering and hoping ,, i will do the thing you should of done. I will simply Try to move on and forget. like you are a distant memory ,, so far behind me i cant reach it or remember it..

So good bye my Dear,,

xox

Saturday, August 21, 2010

its been three weeks and i havent heard from you, i pace around all day long waiting for a reply from you. your in my mind all the time, everything reminds me of you.. so Many happy memories have made me depressed, all our talks have made me feel so much regret. So many questions run through my mind was it me or you? i try not to care but its no good, my feelings had been struck i let my guard down and got attached something i promised myself i wouldnt do. Now im stuck with the Mess of picking myself up and starting again.. why couldnt you just Say goodbye?why did you have to make me think and believe your Lie?? i guess im just not the Right type, or the right anything,, i should of just walked away instead of thinking there was something... something more. something brilliant.. it cant be possible for you went back,, were you ever gonna tell me?
for now, to save me all these painful moments of wishing, wondering and hoping ,, i will do the thing you should of done. I will simply Try to move on and forget. like you are a distant memory ,, so far behind me i cant reach it or remember it..

So good bye my Dear,,

xox

Monday, August 9, 2010

Positiveness.

"her aura was negative, the circle was tainted, i didn't wanna know her".
it seems this world is full of people that are miserable,
they have no direction, its like positiveness has left them ages before.
and they cant seem to or don't want to get it back.
have we lost the ability to be happy? to look at the bright side of things?
don't we know how to do that anymore?
this world is so beautiful, theres so many things we should be thankful for.
how can we be miserable when everything is unfathomable in life.
everything small and fragile we miss, everything we over look and over use we never see what its worth. we just think its not important.
are we not thankful that we have it in the first place?
should we not love having the privilege to breathe? and to be alive,, to do everything a human can ever dream to do.. shouldn't it be enough to be happy??
its saddening to know that this world is like this..
is life that hard that theres no use in smiling anymore?
or thinking and breathing in your surroundings.. ?
like an intense breath so that you dont over look whats infront of you, you actually focus in and study it til you appreciate it?

have we lost the gift of positiveness??
xox