its been three weeks and i havent heard from you, i pace around all day long waiting for a reply from you. your in my mind all the time, everything reminds me of you.. so Many happy memories have made me depressed, all our talks have made me feel so much regret. So many questions run through my mind was it me or you? i try not to care but its no good, my feelings had been struck i let my guard down and got attached something i promised myself i wouldnt do. Now im stuck with the Mess of picking myself up and starting again.. why couldnt you just Say goodbye?why did you have to make me think and believe your Lie?? i guess im just not the Right type, or the right anything,, i should of just walked away instead of thinking there was something... something more. something brilliant.. it cant be possible for you went back,, were you ever gonna tell me?

for now, to save me all these painful moments of wishing, wondering and hoping ,, i will do the thing you should of done. I will simply Try to move on and forget. like you are a distant memory ,, so far behind me i cant reach it or remember it..

So good bye my Dear,,

xox

Positiveness.

"her aura was negative, the circle was tainted, i didn't wanna know her".

it seems this world is full of people that are miserable,

they have no direction, its like positiveness has left them ages before.

and they cant seem to or don't want to get it back.

have we lost the ability to be happy? to look at the bright side of things?

don't we know how to do that anymore?

this world is so beautiful, theres so many things we should be thankful for.

how can we be miserable when everything is unfathomable in life.

everything small and fragile we miss, everything we over look and over use we never see what its worth. we just think its not important.

are we not thankful that we have it in the first place?

should we not love having the privilege to breathe? and to be alive,, to do everything a human can ever dream to do.. shouldn't it be enough to be happy??

its saddening to know that this world is like this..

is life that hard that theres no use in smiling anymore?

or thinking and breathing in your surroundings.. ?

like an intense breath so that you dont over look whats infront of you, you actually focus in and study it til you appreciate it?

have we lost the gift of positiveness??

xox

Torn in Two..

i remember the day you sat me down and told me the skies the limit, "think Big JuLie ,, you'll go further then that. Meet new people, love them like their your second family, treat people like you want to be treated".. do you remember that?

Or have you Forgotten??

my Heart has Sunk like the Titanic, my Smile was Suddenly destroyed and it vanished like a Ghost after its been spotted.. those words totally broke me..

how could you say it in front of everyone? so open and offensive. have you not even thought about any ones emotions? you just went ahead and said it, just because she agrees doesn't mean you have too..

you ll never know how amazing 'everyone' Is...

I Know i might be wrong, But you brought me up telling me to love everyone,

why the hell did you lie! why are you so scared? cant you just love me no matter how i am? why is everything i do wrong?

i don't think you ll ever accept the truth..

JuLie

xox

my story i guess..

i tell no one as its a waste, easier to sit there then give it away.. my brain is full of so many things, i want to explode but yet i cant feel a thing.. i just feel like flooding the ocean with a billion of my salty tears, sadly its locked with an unreachable key... whats the point of sharing when its really going to help nothing. i cant tell i cant be weak, not anymore so i will not speak..

Theres a constant battle of so many fucked up thoughts running through my already messed up mind, now its erasing all my fragile memories so Remembering is such a painful task.

when i thought forgetting was the best thing to do i didnt know, i was dead wrong.. all this time ive been lying to myself hoping ill believe it soon,, but sadly i dont im just dead to the world, just floating and skimming and pretending to be whole. im reaching out but failing, i should try harder but im just too lazy ....

i did it again on accident,, it was surreal when it started to tear, scary thing was i couldnt feel it peal.. i know its so wrong but i feel so alone. and Hes the only one that will help me make it through the night. my cycle is back,my mask is growing and slowly its happening,, now im pretending.. ...

What do i do?? im breaking..

xox

why Swear words are bad...??

Ive Have been wondering about this for a very long time..

Why are swear words bad?

why are they swear words?

who made them up?? Why did they??

and Why is there such a word called Swear? who put the thought into peoples mind to say swear words,,,

was someone just so bored they had to think up some naughty words so somehow he could get enough people to believe it then spread it and after a while it would be global?

But really why are they bad,, what if People said ''Hello' was a swear word,, would we never say it again??

how would we know if it was a lie? and really aren't all words just words?

Like the word 'gay' in the beginning it was explained as happy,

now its a word for someones orientation.... what is this world thinking?? why did they let that word become bad in the first place?

but really if they are just words,, why are we soo offended at them , when any other 'normal word' can offend us like - Stupid, Idiot, or moron.

they are pretty offending but apparently not swear words...

What do you think???

JuLie ♥

xox

She read between the Lines..

Have you ever had someone figure you out?

I've Always been open, No body could stop me talking about my emotions, it was all for everyone to hear, sadly, i told too many people. but Since its happened. I Don't want to bother anyone, why should anyone know what Ive gone through? why should i tell someone my problems when they have their own? No body really wants to know people's problems.

But there she was asking me, trying to figure me out,, unraveling me like a weak ball of yarn, She read between the lines and found out my Darkest Secret.

How do i Have a D&M if my brain keeps telling me no one wants to hear my problems

I'm scared to tell the truth, so much lies i tell myself, so much terrible thoughts,, all messed up in this web of Weird things, what if i cant control my feelings, so many things so much worry.

the time is soon before it happens, when i pour everything out and everything changes, every thought out in the open, isn't this what i wanted??

I'm not sure if i can anymore, i don't want to remember the past all those feelings flooding back..

the scariest thing of all is Shell understand..

I'm so used to everyone leaving, empty promises, so many lies, will it be the same??

what if it wont? what will i do then?

why the hell am i so worried about this!!!

JuLie ♥

xox

Why do people Fight??

I guess im writing about this because im worried, i think about this everyday, its always replaying over and over like a broken record.

the fights are constant and heartbreaking, they happen everyday and no matter how much i walk away and close the door the yelling never gets softer. It must be hard to talk your problems out. I'm really scared that you'll part. What will i do when my Two Knights in Shining Armor the ones that are so close to my heart leave and go their separate paths??

how could you talk about Divorce in a normal sentence? did you even consider that it would affect us, How Could you EVER think we could even possibly be okay with taking sides?

How can i take sides to Immature monsters...

was it my fault? Am i the reason why you hate each other? If i was a boy would it be better?

you blamed her didn't you,, It was never her fault... Blame Me not her!

I'm scared that if i ever love someone i will act like you two do, i never wanna be like yous..

i don't Wanna love because hurting them with my bitter words would make a small part of me die,, i just know it would! I cant let them act like that to me either,, i just cant deal with that..

The saddest thing is that you try to pretend like its nothing, like yous are totally fine,, why are you in Denial?? i wish you'd just admit it and freely say it,, is it that hard to say you have a Problem?? sadly, your not fooling anyone..

i Love you both so very very much ,, but you've ruined my ability to love, to show emotion, to want to care... im so scared i cant even trust anyone, how can i help yous so you can love each other again? i just wanna make everything better, if i left maybe yous could be happier...

Free...

JuLie ♥

xox